With everything that's going on with my best friend, I realize even more than I used to that I don't want a relationship. He has been scaring the shit out of me all week.


I've been crying with him because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him. Doesn't he see that I've been there for every one of his major break ups? That I'm not going anywhere? Why can't he see? Doesn't he understand that if he dies, part of me dies with him. I lost Jake, I can't lose him too. Losing Jake killed a large part of me. I think about him every day, missing him everyday. I can't bear the thought of losing him as well. We've been friends since before we were teenagers.
How can those years be thrown out and mean nothing?
Why give up?

Don't you see how lost I am without you? Don't you understand why I cry for you, cry with you? A part of me is breaking as you are. I'm dying because you're hurt and nothing I can say or do will make you feel better. I feel helpless. I can't be there physically to comfort you, though my words aren't much comfort either. I'll never be good enough. Never good enough to heal your broken heart, put a smile on your face, or brighten your day with just the sound of my voice. Useless, helpless. What can I do? What do you want from me? Please tell me because I'm lost without you. My heart aches knowing that right now, you're lying in bed, crying and there's nothing I can do. I want to take away all this pain. I would trade my happiness for your pain, just to see you happy. I'm always there, hiding in the shadows, when you need me. I will never leave your side. I would follow you to the seventh circle of hell, to pull you out. I won't turn away from you as others have.


Kimi ni Aitakute <3
~Essa


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P O E T R Y

Hollow~~~~~>[link]
Slowly Rising~~~~~>[link]
Final Pain~~~~~>[link]
Darkness Calls~~~~~>[link]
Containment~~~~~>[link]
Ai shiteru~~~~~>[link]
Freesia -op1-~~~~~>[link]
Freesia -op2-~~~~~>[link]
Sweet Surprise~~~~~>[link]
Faint~~~~~>[link]
Reanimated~~~~~>[link]
Someday~~~~~>[link]
Untitled 1 & 2~~~~~>[link]
Inner Chains ~~~~~>[link]
Uncontrollably Unsaid ~~~~~>[link]
Untitled ~~~~~>[link]
Trigger Happy ~~~~~>[link]
Worth ~~~~~>[link]
Chance of Rain ~~~~~>[link]
Kimi ni Aitakute ~~~~~>[link]
Moon Child ~~~~~>[link]
Chimera ~~~~~>[link]
Whisper ~~~~~>[link]
New Days Dawn ~~~~~>[link]
Euphoria ~~~~~>[link]
Silent Escape ~~~~~>[link]
Lingering Effects ~~~~~>[link]
Pleeding Need ~~~~~>[link]
Stained ~~~~~>[link]

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The Anita Blake Guilty Pleasures Comic has been released!

I can die a happy fangirl now!


~*~*C O N S T A N T *~*~* R A M B L I N G S*~*~

To read my Anita Blake fanfiction called "Spirits of the Night", here are the chapter links.

Chapter 1 <~~~~~ [link]
Chapter 2 <~~~~~ [link]
Chapter 3 <~~~~~ [link]
Chapter 4 <~~~~~ [link]
Chapter 5 <~~~~~ [link]
Chapter 6 <~~~~~ [link]


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Watched by:


Club I'm In: